As the long, lazy days of summer draw to a close, many parents face a monumental milestone: sending their children off...maybe to their first apartment, maybe to work, maybe to college. This transition, while exciting, also marks the beginning of a new chapter for families. The nest that was once bustling with activity suddenly feels quieter, emptier. For many parents, this period brings a mix of pride, joy, anxiety, and a tinge of sadness. Here's how to navigate the emotional landscape of becoming an empty nester and find fulfillment in this new stage of life.
Maybe this is your first child to launch....maybe it's your last - either way, it's a big deal every time.
The Emotional Rollercoaster
Sending a child out of the nest is a significant emotional event. It's natural to experience a range of feelings:
1. Pride and Joy: Watching your child take this significant step toward independence is incredibly rewarding. Their achievements reflect years of hard work, guidance, and nurturing.
2. Anxiety and Worry: Concern for their well-being, safety, and ability to navigate the challenges of college life can be overwhelming. Questions about their readiness and whether you’ve prepared them adequately may surface.
3. Sadness and Loss: The departure of a child brings a sense of loss. The daily routines and interactions that defined your family life shift dramatically. It’s common to grieve the end of this chapter.
4. Excitement for the Future: This transition opens up new possibilities, not just for your child, but for you as well. Embracing this change can be invigorating.
Navigating the Transition
To manage this transition effectively, consider the following strategies:
1. Stay Connected: Establish a communication routine that works for both you and your child. Regular check-ins, whether through phone calls, texts, or video chats, can provide comfort and reassurance. However, it's essential to strike a balance and allow them the space to grow independently. REmind them that you might need some help in this area. If they get a text - a quick "thumbs up" is all they need to respond. Don't turn every interaction into a 20 minute conversation...they'll stop responding. Leaving you on un-read is sometimes terrifying...so try to be short and sweet so that they continue to engage.
2. Rekindle Personal Interests: Rediscover hobbies and activities that may have taken a backseat during the child-rearing years. Engaging in creative pursuits, joining clubs, or taking up new interests can bring joy and fulfillment. Maybe you can finally finish that baby book. lol. Or clean out your closet. Or read for a few minutes without being interrupted.
3. Strengthen Relationships: Spend quality time with your partner, friends, and other family members. Strengthening these connections can provide support and a sense of community. You might not remember what it is like to not have kids around. You might have to start dating your partner again. For us, we had kids almost instantly in our relationship (my husband had a daughter from a previous marriage) - so we NEVER didn't have kids. Even when we were dating, we had a child in the mix! She is 33 now and we still have a 14 year old at home. That's 30 years of having kids in the house and we never have had a moment without one.
4. Volunteer and Give Back: Consider volunteering for causes you care about. Giving back to the community can be a rewarding way to spend your time and feel a sense of purpose.
5. Seek Support: Join support groups or online communities for empty nesters. Sharing experiences and advice with others going through similar transitions can be comforting and informative. If you are really struggling - that's ok! And those of you who are more on the celebration / yahoo side of this...don't judge. This hits some people really hard.
Looking Forward
While the initial adjustment to an empty nest can be challenging, it also presents an opportunity for personal growth and reinvention. Here are a few ways to embrace this new chapter:
1. Travel and Explore: With fewer responsibilities at home, consider traveling. Whether it’s a long-awaited dream destination or a series of short getaways, exploring new places can be invigorating. Honestly, even a trip to the grocery store without kids or without their needs on the list is a vacation!
2. Pursue Further Education: If you’ve ever considered going back to school or taking classes for personal enrichment, now might be the perfect time. My mom quit college when she got pregnant with my brother. She was going to be a nurse...always wanted to be a nurse. She had several chances to go back to school - but always felt "too old" or "too busy" or "too broke". BUT - this was at 35 (when she got a divorce)! And again at 41 (when her youngest left home)! AND...again at 52 (when she was laid off from her insurance job). Even at 52 - she could have spent two - three years to become an RN - and then spent 10 or more years in the field. It would have been amazing for her.
3. Focus on Health and Wellness: Use this period to focus on your physical and mental health. Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and mindfulness practices can enhance your overall well-being. I had a friend that said once...I am still trying to lose the baby weight. I ask how old her child was - and she said ....
FOURTEEN. She definitely saw the humor in this. Should could have lost two pounds a year and been at the perfect weight. But - for real - you can start taking walks, fixing smaller dinners, going to bed earlier...lots of healthy options.
4. Career Development: If you’re still in the workforce, this might be an ideal time to focus on career advancement or explore new professional opportunities. See #2. It doesn't matter if you are 40 or 65... the potential is endless.
Sending your child off to college is a significant milestone that brings both emotional challenges and exciting opportunities. Embracing the transition to an empty nest involves finding new ways to connect with your child, rediscovering personal interests, and pursuing new experiences. By focusing on your growth and well-being, you can navigate this change with resilience and optimism, opening the door to a fulfilling and enriching next chapter of life.
Just get stuff done. Anything. Something. You've got this. And, don't drive your kids crazy. They love you - I promise. They just really want to try stuff on their own for a while.
